Nursing Mother: My All For You

"But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us." (1. Thess 2:7-8)

I am no longer my own.
This is my body,
given for you,
for that pink, hungry mouth,
rooting for food,
for those sticky, clutching hands,
grasping for calm,
for that small, helpless body,
looking for home.

I am no longer my own.
I give myself to you,
my own body becoming food,
my whole self a haven
where you learn how to trust,
my life your first parable
of a greater Love.

I am no longer my own.
Little hands pulling me,
little feet following me,
loud cries calling me,
demanding my time,
my presence,
my body.
This my living sacrifice,
denying myself
for you.

I am no longer my own.
I must look after myself
if I want to care for you,
I can't give what I don't have:
I need water, rest and food,
love, peace and calm
to share with you.

I am no longer my own.
Let us go this road together
as long as you need me this way.
Let me watch as you grow
and your needs change.
Let me see with joy that day
when you walk on your own feet.
Until then I will be here
my all for you.

__________________________________

[24. June 2023]

Saw this verse shared on Instagram yesterday and knew I had to write about it (again: not a woman from the list 🤦‍♀️🤣). Paul uses breastfeeding as an image for ministry. 

It's a tricky image! Because it can be misunderstood as just selflessly giving all the time. Yes, selfless giving is part of it. Emulating Jesus who gave his life for all of us ("This is my body.."). As long as your child is a dependent baby, you really have to reapond to every squeak. But a child grows and their needs develop. So also the people we serve and minister to. Breastfeeding does not stay the same, breastfeeding a newborn is quite different from breastfeeding a toddler, you adapt to needs and at some point you can set boundaries and communicate pretty well (my nursling is 2.5). And at some point they stop nursing altogether. Ministry adapts too in this way. 😊 

I also learnt while breastfeeding that if you're looking after a vulnerable little person you need to look after yourself too. Milk supply especially in the early days suffers if you're dehydrated or stressed. Yes, breastfeeding is very self-giving and in a sense self-denying, BUT it also teaches you a "healthy selfishness". Because without adequate self care you get difficulties caring for others. (And it's quite sad that in some countries and contexts with lack of maternity leave / support / pressures and expectations etc this care of self is made harder or blocked.)

Another thought I had is how in the nearness of mother-child / parent-child that happens in breastfeeding but also formula feeding, holding, carrying, cuddling, etc the child has a safe haven learning trust and love in a tangible way. Making something invisible (love) physically felt (much like a sacrament makes invisible realities / mysteries of God tangible). In that sense breastfeeding / holding / cuddling are a parable of parental love that the smallest baby can feel and understand, and create a basis for trust later on as the child grows up and that intense nearness of the early days starts to dissipate. I get the impression that it's because of that nearness early on that children feel confident to become independent later on. I'm sure that also says something about ministry, modelling the love of God and who Jesus is through our lives, and enabling the people we serve to build a relationship with God of their own.

Picture: 19th Century sculpture from Democratic Republic of Congo