TRIGGER WARNING: rape
2. Samuel 11:1-12:15
I could not say no.
I would not have said yes.
I was not asked,
and if I had been,
what could I have said?
Caught
like a deer in the hunter's sight,
should I flee?
should I fight?
maybe
if I cower before him
and fawn at his feet
do what he wants
he'll be kind to me?
(but still
in the end
he'll butcher me,
won't he)
I could not say no.
I would not have said yes.
If I had screamed,
who would have cared?
who would have dared
come to my rescue?
I could not say no.
Should I have?
I should.
Does that make me complicit?
Does that make this my sin?
Is it my fault
that it went so far
because I didn't say stop,
couldn't say no?
I could not say no.
I would not have said yes.
"Come," he said,
and sanctimoniously:
"I won't do anything you don't want"
and just like that
the burden is on me
and it's my responsibility
and I can go home with the guilt
of "maybe he didn't know better"
"maybe he misunderstood"
"maybe it's my own fault".
I could not say no.
I would not have said yes.
But who will know?
Who will care?
Now I am set before the door
to gather up the shattered pieces of my dignity
with the tattered remains of my clothes
butchered
bearing the shame
questioning myself
while he rests free and easy
certain he's not to blame
because I couldn't say no
but
I did not say yes.
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[11. February 2023]
Growing up I always learnt David "had an affair", or the even worse version: "Bathsheba seduced David" (by "bathing on the roof"). It was only more recently, during my theological studies, that I discovered this is actually a story of rape. And there are still Christians who will fight against this interpretation and insist Bathsheba was somehow at fault! I feel like how we handle this story has a lot in common with how abuse and rape are still handled in the wider culture and by Christians.
Here in Switzerland at the moment feminists are fighting for the legal definition of rape to be changed so that "only yes means yes". At the moment, it's only rape if you said no, pretty much. But what if you can't say no?
Recently I have been thinking about the complexities of consent (partly because of this initiative in Swiss politics, partly from watching "Anatomy of a Scandal" which handles this question). And really it should not be so hard. But the way stories like Bathsheba's are still handled shows that society has not learnt at all yet. As long as we still say things like "she could have said no", "why didn't she call for help", "what was she wearing", etc, there's still something very wrong in society. This kind of mentality endangers women.
The Bible is really, really clear on Bathsheba's story though. The prophet Nathan in 1. Sam 12 gives a very clear explanation of how the incident should be understood, in his story of the rich man slaughtering the poor man's lamb. The Bible itself compares Bathsheba to a lamb being slaughtered, a sacrifice to David's lust. There is no way a sheep can be complicit in its butchering. I feel like we have spent so much energy trying to make David a "good guy" because there's this half verse somewhere about David being a "man after God's own heart" - instead of just honestly reading the Bible and letting the Bible speak for itself. The Bible is on Bathsheba's side, God is on Bathsheba's side. Bathsheba was raped. And it shouldn't matter to us whether she said no or not. Because without a yes it was rape. The Bible text uses only passive verbs for Bathsheba in this story, she is all victim here.
I need to write another poem though for later in Bathsheba's life, because she rose up and became very influential in David's court, so much so that it was through her actions that her son Solomon became king after David's death despite being pretty far down in the line. She does not remain passive.
Other Bathsheba poem: O Child (about the child she lost after this)
Picture: 17th Century Anonymous
