Joy -
May I feel it?
Dare I feel it?
Can I believe it?
It feels unreal.
Is there really
a child
growing in me?
Hesitant
and a little afraid
I rejoice.
Joy
despite it all.
Despite being doubled over
heaving my soul out,
dizzy, exhausted,
feeling sick
at the mere sight of food -
because there is really
a child
growing in me.
How comforting
how strengthening
to rejoice.
Joy
at this little bump
finally showing,
my body, changing,
prepare him room.
Now the world may know
a child
is growing in me.
Ever more clearly
ever more loudly
I rejoice.
Joy
at every flutter and kick
as they grow and get bigger,
even start to hurt.
They keep me up at night
but are the sweetest signs:
"Hello, I am here,"
a child
growing in me.
Ever more confident,
ever more certain
I rejoice.
Joy
pushing me to action,
"nesting" -
prepare the way of the Lord.
Impatient
to meet at last
this child
growing in me.
Expectantly,
excitedly
I rejoice.
Joy to the world
the Lord ist come!
Forgotten is the pain.
At last I meet you
face to face
my child
my God
my joy complete.
With heaven and earth
I rejoice.
__________________________________________________
[9. January 2023]
Me: I have only about 30 women on the list and then this project will be complete! Let's go!
Also me: *writes an umpteenth Mary poem*
🤷
Last week was the Swiss Evangelical Alliance prayer week with the theme "Joy". I was asked to do a short sermon on "Joy in Christ", the scripture provided was Luke 1:44 (baby John doing a skip in Elisabeth's womb). After a bit of writer's block I remembered I quote I had read years ago (just after my daughter's birth): "Notice the kicks of the living Christ in you." Which made me reflect on how our joy in Jesus could be a bit like the joy of a pregnant mother. (NB everyone's experience of pregnancy is different and I based this a lot on my own.) Following is a rough translation / summary of my thoughts:
1. There's the hesitant joy of finding out you are pregnant. Maybe there's still some disbelief there ("Is that really a second line?" / "Did I really miss a period or is my body playing tricks with me?"), maybe also some fear, not quite daring to be too happy yet because we know the stats about the first trimester, possibility of loss, etc. (which is why many don't announce a pregnancy before that first phase is done)
Maybe sometimes our joy in Jesus is like that: some disbelief still, uncertainty, not quite daring to rejoice yet. (Does Jesus exist? Is he really what the Bible says he is? Is God really loving? - especially if we come out of faith traditions that showed us God in a different, less loving light)
2. Pregnancy has its less-than-pleasant side effects. Nausea, vomiting, dizziness, I had a bunch of fainting spells and was given lovely compresson stockings to force myself into every day in the heat of summer (yay). I had to unfollow recipe pages on social media because seeing food made me feel sick. (And I think I had a comparatively easy pregnancy) But the joy in the child helps to endure this side of pregnancy and gives strength.
Life is not easy. We experience grief and suffering, that's part of being human. Being a Christian and following Jesus is also not easy in most parts of the world. But joy in Jesus can give strength to endure the sufferings of life.
3. Often the baby bump is the first visible sign from the outside. I know I could not wait for the bump to appear.
Maybe sometimes our joy in Jesus is in the visible signs of him in our lives. Seeing visible changes in how we live and how we treat others.
4. Kicks are like the first "communication". I remember for the longest time it felt completely unreal to me that I had a child in there, and despite reading everywhere to "talk with your baby" and really wanting to start building a relationship before birth already, I simply could not. It felt weird. I felt disconnected. The kicks made it more real. And kicks are not just nice and sweet. Towards the end they HURT.
"Notice the kicks of the living Christ in you": where do we feel Jesus communicating with us? Maybe we also have a hard time connecting with him sometimes. Invisible like the baby inside. What are signs we get from Jesus that he is here? What are the signs we see in the world that show us God at work already to transform it into his kingdom of love, the signs that give us joy and hope?
5. I think I need to preach about nesting next Advent because I realised Advent is really just institutionalised nesting. xD I redecorated the entire house without help because it had to be done YESTERDAY. German has the lovely word "Vorfreude" (pre-joy) for anticipation. Being joyful in the waiting and expecting. That's the kind of joy you have in nesting - that also gives energy (lots of energy) despite already being half a whale. Also: towards the end I got really impatient and started doing things like exercises ("guaranteed to get labour started!!!") or eating loads of spicy food (despite heartburn... yep.) to try and "help things along".
Our joy in Jesus can be this joy of anticipation. Preparing for his second coming and this world fully becoming the kingdom of God. I believe that living the way Jesus taught us is one way to prepare and to "nest". To do our own part in spreading the Kingdom of God.
Also: can we be so crazy excited for Jesus to come back that we do weird things do "help things along" (even though that doesn't really work, in both cases, but - I mean the energy behind that)?
6. The ultimate joy is having your baby in your arms after labour and forgetting how much it hurt. I had too many happy hormones to sleep despite having missed a night. "Sleep when the baby sleeps" - not a chance at that point, you just worship baby for a while (or I did).
We will have the joy of meeting Jesus face to face. :-)
I know this is pretty much a Christmas poem with all the "Joy to the World" references and such, but because Advent and Christmas is busy time for me at work, I never got to reflect and write (and I write when the words come, instead of sitting down and deciding to write something, usually).
Maybe the next poem will be one of the ladies I still have on my list (Eunice has been in the queue for a while..), but we'll see.
Art by the "Master of the Spes Nostra"
