I.
You were all I had.
My bright light
in this dark life,
something to live for,
a small thread of meaning
in the drudgery.
You were all I had.
But now
the light is snuffed out,
the thread is cut.
My arms are empty.
My arms are empty,
longing,
desperate to be filled.
So I will fill them -
I must, I must.
I will pretend
that he is you
back in my arms again.
You were all I had.
I can't give you up.
I will pretend
that he is you.
And if I can't - then so be it.
Let them rend him with a sword,
my heart is rent already.
I'm too broken to care,
too deep in grief
to grant her what I can't have.
If I must suffer,
she should too.
If I can't have you
no one should.
Let them rend him with a sword.
My heart is rent already.
II.
You are all I have.
My bright light
in this dark life,
something to live for,
a small thread of meaning
in the drudgery.
You are all I have.
But now
the threat of losing you -
snatched, stolen, ripped from my side,
my arms are empty.
My arms are empty,
fighting,
fighting to get you back.
I love you,
I need you,
I need you to be safe.
Come back to me,
back to my arms again.
You are all I have.
I can't give you up.
I need you
back in my arms -
but if I can't, then please be safe.
My heart is rent without you,
but I need you to be whole,
need you to live
and shine your light,
if not for me,
then for yourself.
If the only way
to keep you safe
is letting you go -
then so be it.
My heart is rent without you,
but I need you to be whole.
_________________________________
[29. August 2021]
Actually had other ladies higher up on my to do list but spontaneously decided to write the p.o.v. of the two prostitutes who fought over a baby. One had accidentally smothered hers in her sleep and now both were claiming the living one. Solomon suggested cutting the baby in half to find out who the real mother was, because she would be more concerned with keeping her child alive.
Anyway because this poetry project is about compassion with the characters / trying to imagine what they are feeling, I did not want to do a "bad mother / good mother" thing. Was the mother of the dead baby selfish for not caring if the live one was killed? Maybe, or maybe she was just too full of grief (which can make us not think straight). One mother's primary concern is her grief, which makes her care about little else. The other's main concern is her child's safety, which makes her willing to sacrifice. Both women are in a terrible situation though - each in some way has her heart broken. One can't do anything for her child anymore - the other can still try to keep him safe.
Picture by William Blake
