Rebekah: Love is a Risk

Genesis 24

"Will you go with this man?"

Joy and fear
flood me all at once.
Somewhere out there
a man is waiting,
waiting to love me.
Somewhere out there
is a new future -
fulfillment of my dreams.
I want to say Yes.

And yet
he is a total stranger;
I've never seen his face,
don't know if he'd be kind to me,
don't know if we'd agree
on all that is important,
or always fight instead.

I am afraid
of this strange new future,
this unknown shadow
who wants me to be his;
I am afraid
of regretting my decision,
of being stuck forever
in a strange land
with a man I might not love.
So much could go wrong.

And yet
I see your fingerprints
on the tangled strings of my story -
signs that say you're leading this,
signs that say you have a plan.

Love is a risk -
so much could go wrong.
What if I don't like him,
or we cannot agree?
Love is a risk
but so is everything,
and if I heed all my fears
I never will live.

I'll turn away from my fears,
and look upon You,
and trust You to guide me
and know what is best.
Take my trembling heart -
take my fears away.
I know what I desire,
I know I must dare -

for love is a risk
always worth taking.

"Will you go with this man?"
- Yes, I will go.           

_________________________________________________________________

[November 2012 - commentary August 2014]

"Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. [...] Still, if we want to avoid [suffering], we will never experience the joy of loving. [...] We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking." (Henri Nouwen)

Based particularly on Genesis 24:58 which is quoted at the beginning and end of the poem - Rebekah is given the choice whether she wants to go with Abraham's servant to be Isaac's wife. I decided to look at the decision process here.

This story happened in the days of arranged marriage in a culture where family connections were practically the most important consideration. Abraham's servant was sent to find Isaac a wife from among his own relatives (and Rebekah was a cousin or something). Although there's still many places in the world where marriages happen this way, with people hardly knowing each other beforehand and love being something in the future that they will build up, rather than being the precondition to getting married, it's increasingly no longer the case. We don't expect to be matched up with a total stranger, and don't have to make the kind of choice Rebekah did.

Nonetheless, I often get the feeling that even if one has gotten to know someone and grown to care for him, so much about him remains a mystery. Love remains a risk - because who knows how many exasperating things might be hiding inside that person that now we don't see (maybe because love made us blind) but that annoy us years later! Which is why I also believe it's important to realise that even if one already knows and loves the person one marries, love is something that grows. Marriage does not happen at the "high point" of being in love, but is a point from which it has to continue on, because after that point, we're still going to get to know the other person more and more, and maybe things will come out that we don't like, or that simply get on our nerves. I believe love is more than "feelings"; it's a decision we have to keep on making.

We often hear nowadays of divorce rates skyrocketing. I know people who, because of that, see marriage as too great a risk - who knows, you might "fall out of love" at some point or feel like no longer going on - and would rather just live together in a relationship. I think it's good to recognise that marriage is a risky decision. But I believe that is not a reason to give up on the idea altogether. It's a risk that, with God, I believe is worth taking. So many things in life are risky and could end in a mess - but if we risk nothing, we won't live. And I believe that holding on to the fact that God led you together can give the strength to decide, again and again, to keep forgiving and enduring and loving. Which is also why I believe asking about God's will in the matter is an important step before saying yes to anyone.

(Which however does not mean that it will always work out smoothly if you "add God to the equation". I've experienced it not working out like that. We can also misunderstand God's will - or have a partner who does not want to make another effort when we do, when things go wrong. However, I do believe that the Bible teaches us to overcome ourselves and make the extra effort to love, and that the kind of love the Bible speaks of - which is not just boy-girl / husband-wife love but the love we should have towards all people - is something active and something that involves decision and the will. So even if it does not "work" as a "save-your-marriage" method, I believe it is what we should do, because it's right and what true love is.)

And don't ask me how this turned into a treatise on love and marriage and divorce....................-__-;

Picture by Nicolò Grassi

Lot's Daughters: Desperate

Genesis 19:30-38

Behind me destruction,
before me fear.
What choice do I have?
I'm desperate.

Today looks bleak,
tomorrow darker still -
the days stretch out to hopelessness
and I see myself
defenceless, alone,
at the mercy of strangers,
far away from a home
that no longer exists.
Childless, helpless,
no one to provide,
destitute and lost -
so desperate.

If this is my outlook
what choice do I have,
but to do the unthinkable
though it be unforgivable?
I'll quell my qualms
and kill my conscience -
for what is good
and what is evil
and what can be called sin
in this state of desperation,
this one-way street,
where the only way out
seems giving in?

_______________________________________________________________

[19. January 2013]

This is one of the stories they censor from children's Bibles. But I think I first heard it when I was 10 or younger...

Remember Lot? God helped him escape from Sodom and Gomorrah with his family when it was destroyed. What happened afterwards is less well-known. Lot and his daughters lived in a cave - his daughters were afraid that they would not find a husband and not be able to have children - subsequently they made their father drunk and slept with him.

Pretty extreme...

I was wondering how I'd write this one.
There is actually one interpretation of the text that says the text is "covering up" what "really happened", and says it was Lot who raped his daughters but the opposite was recorded. I don't agree with picking apart a text like that, though, and I'd rather not simplify a difficult story. Men are not always to blame, it does happen that women abuse men...

But I'm not interested in passing blame either. I think to understand this story we need to understand that in the culture Lot's daughters were in, having children was deemed very important. In many cultures not long ago (or even today still...) a woman was not really a full woman unless she had children. Plus, protection and provision from a man was important. It's only quite recently that women could start living independently and fend for themselves without drawbacks and stigma.

Lot's daughters were under the pressure of that system, they had just gone through the traumatic experience of losing everything (including their fiancés who refused to escape with them), and they were facing an uncertain future. Their father was afraid of going anywhere near a town, so they felt themselves at a point where they needed to go to desperate measures.

I guess sometimes we can get so desperate and afraid that we no longer care about whether something is right or wrong. We go to desperate measures instead of being patient and trusting. Well, being patient and trusting and waiting for God to help can be very hard!! But maybe that's what Lot's daughters should have done... It's interesting how this comes right after the saving of Lot from Sodom, which was destroyed because of its sin. Lot was saved because he was a righteous man... and yet no one is sinless. Sin still goes on, as long as we try to save ourselves and don't remember it is God alone who can save us, even in the most desperate circumstances.

But it's also important not to judge too quickly people who do rash and wrong things in a desperate situation. They may do wrong things because they think there's no other solution - they might find it wrong themselves, and struggle with themselves afterwards. So harsh words won't help in such a case... rather, being loving to them and gently showing them that although what they did was wrong (and they might come up with that by themselves, one doesn't have to poke it in their face...), there is forgiveness and grace. These are hurt and damaged people who need healing instead of another bashing on an already bashed conscience...

Picture: Bonifacio de Pitati (and I like how it has the burning Sodom in the background...)

Lot's Wife: I Turn Around

Genesis 19:1-29 | Luke 14:25-33

"No one who puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62)

It was easy
when all was fine
and I did not have to choose
between you
and all my other loves.
It was easy
to follow you
when I could have the rest as well.

But now
with the choice before me
I see it was never
easy at all.

And in one moment
I think back
and think of the cost
and what I have to leave.
Family, possessions, home,
all I have known,
all I have loved.
And I think of the things
you want me to let go.

Can I let go
and trust in you -
give it all away
believing
that you return it all
more than a hundredfold?

No.
It is too much.
It is too hard.
I can't give it to you.
Or: I don't want to.

Now that it comes to it
I don't think
I want to give it up at all -
and so
          I
            turn
                    around.

_________________________________________________________________

[March 2012]

Counting the cost...

I tried in this poem to portray Lot's wife as one person who has the chance, who knows about God and stands before the choice of following Him - and in the end decides it's too much, and she doesn't want to give up all the other things of life.

Following Jesus can be costly - it means a change of priorities, a change of allegiance, God now ruling our lives, and that can mean giving up on things we love. So it's something we need to be serious about. God gives us grace, but it's not a cheap grace! In the end, though, it's worth it - it is better to lose out now, and suffer the consequences of following Jesus, than suffer the consequences of not following Him. He wants to save us, and He knows what is good for us - like God led Lot's family out of Sodom in order to rescue them, when He calls us to follow Him it is in order to save us.

Why did Lot's wife turn back? Isn't it in some way understandable - all the things she knew and grew up with behind her, and no chance for a last good-bye? It seems a bit harsh what happened to her. But was her changing into a pillar of salt God's punishment, or the consequences (e.g. of not running away quickly enough from the effects of the "fire and brimstone") He was trying to save her from when He forbade her to turn around?

Obedience to God can be costly... but when He asks us to do difficult things, painful things, it is for our good (even if we might not see it at first), and the benefits outweigh the loss.

Picture by Gustave Doré

Lydia: The Wall

Acts 16:11-15



"There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:28)

I used to live behind a wall,
a barrier separating me
from Those Out There,
and them from me,
tall and wide,
unbreakable.

Some bricks were laid
by society,
some by religion
or family,
some laid by others,
some by myself,
and so the wall grew.

Some bricks were pretty,
others I hated,
some made me feel safe,
others, imprisoned.
Some I wished I could break away -
others I never wanted to,
and so the wall stood,
my friend and my foe,
separating me
from Those Out There,
and them from me.

There it stood,
separating
Gentile and Jew,
woman and man,
Greek and foreigner,
slave and free,
rich and poor -
my neighbour and me,

and sometimes
I felt safe
because of the Wall -
sometimes
lonely.

Until,
o Lord,
you broke it down.

Down it fell
as men took women seriously -
this woman -
me.
Down it fell
as Jews entered a Gentile home -
my home -
to eat.
Down it fell
as you gave me
a new life,
a new perspective.

Let me live
a life without walls
in your House without locks
where all may come in.
Let me invite,
not push away,
and share your hospitality.
You broke down the wall
between Heaven and Earth -
you break down all walls
separating me
from Those Out There,
and them from me,
that we may live
the Kingdom of God
where all are welcome
and all are free.

_______________________________________________________

[27. July 2014]

As I read Lydia's story, I realised Paul and his team were breaking two taboos and overcoming two cultural-religious barriers:

•  They shared the Gospel with a group of women - they took the women seriously, which was not so usual in those days, by speaking to them as equals who are also entitled to an opinion and to hearing the good news of Jesus.
• They went to Lydia's house to eat there, even though Lydia was a Gentile (i.e. not a Jew). Jews did not eat in Gentiles' houses because it was deemed as "unclean". Even though she was a "worshipper of God" (a Gentile interested in Judaism and believing in the God of the Bible) she did not count as a Jew (there are practical steps of conversion first) and so that may have gotten her different treatment, and exclusion in some things (e.g. Gentiles were prohibited from entering the Temple in Jerusalem, on pain of death).

In many ways I believe the Gospel is about breaking down barriers. Sin causes barriers between us and God, and us and other people. We excuse many of these barriers by saying it's our culture, or bringing up religious reasons, or saying it's for security. So different from the first human beings, Adam and Eve, who had absolutely no barriers between them, being "naked but not ashamed" (Gen 2:25). When Jesus takes away our sin and renews our hearts, I believe He wants to take away those barriers as well: cultural barriers, barriers between locals and foreigners, barriers between generations, barriers between women and men.

What that means in practice is: we should no longer distrust or hate or look down on others. We should accept others because Christ accepted us - welcome them, allow them a space in this world and in our hearts. In my country, some people are afraid of foreigners and want to keep them out - I believe we need to drop that fear and reach out to foreigners instead, and show them welcome and love. Jesus wants to bring an end to "us" and "them" thinking. To bring an end to wars that base on demonising the opponent and just separate people further.

So while you're at it, please pray for an end to the war in Gaza, and for people on both sides to strive for reconciliation and an end to the violence. Pray for an end to "us" and "them" thinking, and that the walls of hatred can come down, in Jesus' name. He reconciled us with God - so let us now aim for the reconciliation between people, between us and our neighbours, because Jesus did not only die so we can "go to heaven" - He died and rose again so we can live a new life, a life in His example, and I believe that needs to be a life without walls, a life without hate, a life of reconciliation with others and of love even for our enemies.

Mary mother of John Mark: Prayer of Faith

Acts 12:1-17

Praying without faith is like trying to cut with a blunt knife - much labour expended to little purpose. For the work accomplished by labour in prayer depends on our faith: "According to your faith [not labour] be it unto you." (J.O. Fraser)

Lord,
teach me to pray
the prayer of faith.

So often I ask,
not expecting to receive.
So often I leave loopholes
just in case you don't answer -
as if expecting
nothing will happen anyway.
Where is my faith?

As you answer my prayers
I see my lack of faith.
Why am I so surprised
when I see that you hear?
Why do I react in disbelief,
when what I've been begging for
becomes real before my eyes?

Lord,
teach me to pray
the prayer of faith -
to know that you hear me,
and that you are at work,
that you do the impossible
beyond my wildest dreams -
o Lord
teach me to believe.

_____________________________________________________________

[January 2013]

Peter was in prison, but was miraculously saved. Meanwhile, Mary and a group of Christians met in her house and prayed for him. They were so focused on praying that they got annoyed when the maid, Rhoda, disturbed them to say that Peter was just outside the door. They did not believe he was actually there!! "Don't bother us, we're praying" - meanwhile the answer to that prayer stands right outside the door.

How often do we pray but not really expect anything much to happen?

Picture from the Catacomb of Calixtus.

Daughters of Men: Withered

Genesis 6:1-4

"The sons of God saw that the daughters of man were attractive. And they took as their wives any they chose."

Trapped
in a forbidden embrace,
breaking a boundary
that should not be crossed,
captured
by a wrong desire
that should never have been.

You have taken me,
plucked me like a flower
so that I can wither
in your arms -
arms that take but do not give,
arms that wanted me
but never asked
what I wanted.

What was meant to be good,
a blessing from God,
is twisted to shame,
turns into pain,
becomes my cage -
because you came
and took me,
plucked me like a flower
to wither in the fire
of your wrong desire
that never really wanted
me
but only my beauty.

Like a bee you will move on
to the next and the next and the next,
taking all you choose
to fill your hunger
that never will be filled.
What was meant to be good
is overshadowed
by selfish lust
that destroys in my heart
all the love that I wish
so wish I could share -

all the love that has withered
in that forbidden embrace
that took without asking,
that took without loving,
that came from somebody
I thought I could trust.

Oh God -
Your world is withering away,
and we fall
deeper and deeper
into this mire
of wrong motivations,
of evil desire,
being hurt and causing pain,
seeking only our own gain -
if even angels fall,
what is the hope for us all?

And yet I will believe
that You are the gardener
ready to heal
and water this withered flower
to life again.

___________________________________________________________

[6. July 2014 - and it took almost all day]
I wrote two and a half completely different versions of this... = =

Gen 6:1-4 is one of the most confusing texts in the Bible (I think) and I sat studying it almost all day (and it's a rather depressing text to study).
Now first off: there's disagreement among theologians whether the "sons of God" in the text are (a) angelic beings or (b) descendants of Seth ("good guys" / loyal to God) who intermarried with descendants of Cain ("bad girls" / unbelievers).

I go with (a) because that seems much more likely (e.g. looking at the way "sons of God" appear in Job, where they are clearly angelic beings), and because I don't agree with the "good guys" and "bad seductive girls" idea. In fact, after studying it all day, I see this text as the beginning of sexual immorality, and a case of woman-grabbing. And if it was actually angels doing it, that makes it all the more dreadful. I understand the text in this way because the active ones are the "sons of God", not the women. All the women do is be beautiful - it's the guys who go and take "any of them they chose" - which sounds a lot like polygamy or promiscuity. Doing research I read somewhere that the Hebrew verb doesn't even necessarily imply marriage.

Genesis 3-11 depicts a world falling apart. Gen 3 there is the Fall of Adam and Eve: they lose trust in God, listening to the snake instead, and take the forbidden fruit, giving in to desires for greatness and being like God etc. Gen 4 we have the first murder: Cain kills Abel out of jealousy. Gen 6 then shows the beginning of sexual immorality: the good gift given by God being twisted into something bad and damaging. In Gen 6 man and woman are no longer in the kind of relationship described in Gen 2, a relationship of equality and supporting one another - it seems to me more like the women have been turned into objects. That is what sexual immorality is... ruining the relationship between woman and man, messing up the motives for being together, distorting what ought to be something good, so that it becomes a way to hurt each other and oneself.

Which is why in the poem I focused less on the forbiddenness of human/angel matches, and more on the abuse that was happening (though it's not as strong as in other poems of mine...). So I guess the poem might work even if you do not want to view the "sons of God" as angelic beings. Either ways, they are not "good guys"...

Picture: sculpture by Daniel Chester French.

Noah's Daughter-in-Law: Tears of God

Genesis 6:5-22

God -
I don't understand
this salvation of yours
that leaves me here in the dry
while outside people drown.
The door is shut
and I can hear them scream
and scrabble at the wood,
panicking -
while here I sit
as my world is washed away
with people I knew
and people I loved -
I don't understand.

God -
they say you are love -
so why this cruelty?
Why wipe all away
and destroy what you made?
Why so violent an end
to a world that once was good?
I don't understand.

But this rain falling down -
are these not your tears?
Tears of love and tears of pain
for the many who suffered
under human cruelty
that became too great to bear
for this earth,
and for you.

How cruel must we have been
for these tears to be so many
that they fall without end,
forty nights and forty days,
covering the mountains,
an unfathomable sea?
Deep as this sea
was our evil on this earth -
deep as this sea
was the suffering and pain;
deep as this sea
was your sorrow and compassion -
deep as this sea
your love in sparing me.

This rain falling down
is not your cruelty
but your love that cannot bear
the cruelty it sees below.
This rain falling down
is an answer to the cries
of the innocent whose blood
screams to you from the ground.
This rain falling down,
these are your tears,
drowning a world
too evil to remain.

God -
I don't understand
this salvation of yours
that rescues us, even though
you know it will happen again.
Your tears will fall,
again and again,
for the innocent who suffer,
as evil lives on -
but a rainbow spans the skies
as again and again
you give a new chance
to this broken world.

_________________________________________________________________________

[29. June 2014]

I have observed that certain people like quoting the many people drowning in Noah's day in order to make a point about God not being particularly loving in the Old Testament. So I decided to look into the question and here's the result...

What I think is very important for us to realise about God's judgement is that:
1. It is always fair,
2. It is about God standing up for those who suffer.

When God brings judgement over people, it is not out of cruelty or senseless anger, but out of love and compassion for the suffering, and bringing an end to human cruelty and evil. In the case of the great flood, the cruelty of mankind must have been pretty bad, for God to actually regret having created us at all! The main emotion of God that comes through in Genesis 6:5-22 in connection to the situation on earth seems to me to be not anger but sadness: "it grieved him to his heart." (v.7)

So at some point while thinking about this the connection between the rain and God's sadness popped up. We need to realise that God's judgement is not out of cruelty, but out of love for those who suffer under cruelty. God is not cruel - we are. One thing I heard someone say after one of the big natural disasters of the last few years was: in such situations, we should not be asking why God lets bad things happen to good people, but why God lets good things happen to bad people. Because even the people God saved in the Ark went on to sin more and do more cruel things. If we look at the world today, it is full of cruelty again! So shouldn't we be all the more grateful for all the times God spares us from the punishment we deserve?

Picture by Gustave Doré

More of the family: Mrs Noah